"That Jewish boy makes terrible drinks."
--Dillion Barker
"After I have brunch with the queen...which is what I call my morning poop."
--Justin Bradley
Monday, April 30, 2012
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Catching Up...
"Fuck those guys growing corn! I wanna go to the moon!"
-Jim Hardwick
"Ow, I hit my zit."
-Bryce Kamryn
"Girls poop butterflies, I fart campfire."
-Jim Hardwick
"Mmm. Cheese boobs."
-Jim Hardwick
"Maybe my brains will squish out and you'll feel sorry you said no."
-Bryce Kamryn
"My fry senses were fuckin' tingling."
-Bryce Kamryn
"If you were a chicken, I'd eat you because you'd be the best-tasting chicken ever."
-Bryce Kamryn
"I could have had high tea on your breasts last night."
-Bryce Kamryn
"I think Donald Trump ejaculates cash."
-Bryce Kamryn
"Say the alphabet and leave out g, baby."
-Kristen Nelson
"This is really good vaginal energy we've got going here."
-Justin Bradley
"Eastgate at Grey Hawk." (Said in a stuffy British accent.)
-Justin Bradley
"Those Koreans! Those dang Koreans!"
-Mark Stoddard
"I'm holding your hand so you won't touch other parts of my body."
-Me
"This looks like the Eye of Sauron, which reminds me of that fat guy's penis."
-Bryce Kamryn
"I wasn't talking to myself, I was just verbally thinking to myself."
-Jim Hardwick
"You two gonna keep playing lesbians with the two-by-fours when there are darts around? Respect the darts!"
-Jim Hardwick
"I hope you two are sober enough to call 911, or at least the ambulance."
-Jim Hardwick
"It came out of nowhere. I was thinking about pictures and carrots."
-Jim Hardwick
"Tasty tasty rum soup."
-Jim Hardwick
"I didn't expect it to be television worthy. Jerk."
-Jim Hardwick
"Water is the elixir of the gods. Like, for real."
-Some Random Dude At a Party
"I'm 37 feet away from myself."
-Bryce Kamryn
"Make an espresso float!"
-Amanda Holliman
"He kept saying, 'Are you comfortable? I just want to make sure you're comfortable.' And so I ripped off my clothes and said, 'I'M COMFORTABLE!'"
-Bryce Kamryn
"Hank, Hank Jr., Hank Jr. Jr. Leslie."
-Taylor Lawrence
(On "Since You've Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson) "I'm going to turn that song into an anthem for my failing prostate.
-Jim Hardwick
"I'm going to take that study, and DRINK."
-Jim Hardwick
-Jim Hardwick
"Ow, I hit my zit."
-Bryce Kamryn
"Girls poop butterflies, I fart campfire."
-Jim Hardwick
"Mmm. Cheese boobs."
-Jim Hardwick
"Maybe my brains will squish out and you'll feel sorry you said no."
-Bryce Kamryn
"My fry senses were fuckin' tingling."
-Bryce Kamryn
"If you were a chicken, I'd eat you because you'd be the best-tasting chicken ever."
-Bryce Kamryn
"I could have had high tea on your breasts last night."
-Bryce Kamryn
"I think Donald Trump ejaculates cash."
-Bryce Kamryn
"Say the alphabet and leave out g, baby."
-Kristen Nelson
"This is really good vaginal energy we've got going here."
-Justin Bradley
"Eastgate at Grey Hawk." (Said in a stuffy British accent.)
-Justin Bradley
"Those Koreans! Those dang Koreans!"
-Mark Stoddard
"I'm holding your hand so you won't touch other parts of my body."
-Me
"This looks like the Eye of Sauron, which reminds me of that fat guy's penis."
-Bryce Kamryn
"I wasn't talking to myself, I was just verbally thinking to myself."
-Jim Hardwick
"You two gonna keep playing lesbians with the two-by-fours when there are darts around? Respect the darts!"
-Jim Hardwick
"I hope you two are sober enough to call 911, or at least the ambulance."
-Jim Hardwick
"It came out of nowhere. I was thinking about pictures and carrots."
-Jim Hardwick
"Tasty tasty rum soup."
-Jim Hardwick
"I didn't expect it to be television worthy. Jerk."
-Jim Hardwick
"Water is the elixir of the gods. Like, for real."
-Some Random Dude At a Party
"I'm 37 feet away from myself."
-Bryce Kamryn
"Make an espresso float!"
-Amanda Holliman
"He kept saying, 'Are you comfortable? I just want to make sure you're comfortable.' And so I ripped off my clothes and said, 'I'M COMFORTABLE!'"
-Bryce Kamryn
"Hank, Hank Jr., Hank Jr. Jr. Leslie."
-Taylor Lawrence
(On "Since You've Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson) "I'm going to turn that song into an anthem for my failing prostate.
-Jim Hardwick
"I'm going to take that study, and DRINK."
-Jim Hardwick
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Some Gems From Vegas.
"My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village."
-Justin
"Mister 'I'm at the Pleasure Pit while my wife is at the Earl of Sandwich.'"
-Justin
"I just don't want to hear it! I'm hungry."
-Justin
"Just drink around it."
-Latoya
"Don't be on the fence about your hairdo. Commit, dammit!"
-Me
"It's just a comforting thought that women can have children and still have a rockin' bod. The discouraging thing is that one might have to take up something horrific like volleyball in order to achieve this. Makes one not want to procreate"
-Me
"If I was in Tiffany I'd be drooling, too. If she was hot."
-Mark
-Justin
"Mister 'I'm at the Pleasure Pit while my wife is at the Earl of Sandwich.'"
-Justin
"I just don't want to hear it! I'm hungry."
-Justin
"Just drink around it."
-Latoya
"Don't be on the fence about your hairdo. Commit, dammit!"
-Me
"It's just a comforting thought that women can have children and still have a rockin' bod. The discouraging thing is that one might have to take up something horrific like volleyball in order to achieve this. Makes one not want to procreate"
-Me
"If I was in Tiffany I'd be drooling, too. If she was hot."
-Mark
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Observations About Dancing In Clubs
If a cute Black man FROM NIGERIA asks for your number, give it. More important, if he wants to kiss you LET HIM.
When your girlfriend is drunk and starts dancing with some really homely folk, you have two choices: rescue her, or point and laugh. Guess which one I usually go for.
The reason you go in odd numbers is so if two of you are dancing and one isn't, the one who isn't can act as a safety net if Handsy McGroperson is getting a little too creepy.
Just because I made out with your friend does not mean I am making out WITH YOU.
Guys: this is important for both dancing and sex. If the girl is moving her knees and hips, you don't. If she is leaning forward, dropping it like it's hot, you don't do it too. This kind of behavior just makes everyone tired.
Note: In general, it's the girl's job to do most of the movement, and the guy's to be the support. This, however, does not necessarily apply to sex.
If a Black woman compliments you on your dancing, that is probably the highest praise you have ever or will ever receive.
Sometimes, us girls are just there to dance. So dance.
One dance is usually enough. We know what's going on in your pants is bothersome and you would like for us to keep rubbin' our asses all up in that, but after about two dances, no matter how cute you are, we are getting tired and you are getting clingy.
Gym shorts lead to embarrassing situations. Avoid if possible.
Guys and Girls: Learn some Latin dance steps. It will help you in your overall routine. Also, if you only have one move, even if it's a good one, don't just keep doing it over and over. You become pitiable after two hours.
Sometimes kissing a complete and total stranger can be a fun distraction. Just make sure you look at their face first.
People tend to make things up in their heads sometimes when they're dancing. Men especially have the tendency to fantasize. So when you text us later wondering why we're not at your house watching a movie and having an orgy, we're probably laughing at you with puzzled expressions on our faces.
Specifying an event as a "dance" is helpful; it means that people might actually dance! Fancy that!
Sometimes the most fun you can have is just letting the crowd jostle you, staring at the ceiling with one hand flying free, forgetting whatever it was that happened today, yesterday, this week. That's the main reason I go to clubs. Not to hook up, not to see how many guys will dance with me, though those are fun too--but to really let loose in an environment that supports that kind of behavior.
I need to get out more.
When your girlfriend is drunk and starts dancing with some really homely folk, you have two choices: rescue her, or point and laugh. Guess which one I usually go for.
The reason you go in odd numbers is so if two of you are dancing and one isn't, the one who isn't can act as a safety net if Handsy McGroperson is getting a little too creepy.
Just because I made out with your friend does not mean I am making out WITH YOU.
Guys: this is important for both dancing and sex. If the girl is moving her knees and hips, you don't. If she is leaning forward, dropping it like it's hot, you don't do it too. This kind of behavior just makes everyone tired.
Note: In general, it's the girl's job to do most of the movement, and the guy's to be the support. This, however, does not necessarily apply to sex.
If a Black woman compliments you on your dancing, that is probably the highest praise you have ever or will ever receive.
Sometimes, us girls are just there to dance. So dance.
One dance is usually enough. We know what's going on in your pants is bothersome and you would like for us to keep rubbin' our asses all up in that, but after about two dances, no matter how cute you are, we are getting tired and you are getting clingy.
Gym shorts lead to embarrassing situations. Avoid if possible.
Guys and Girls: Learn some Latin dance steps. It will help you in your overall routine. Also, if you only have one move, even if it's a good one, don't just keep doing it over and over. You become pitiable after two hours.
Sometimes kissing a complete and total stranger can be a fun distraction. Just make sure you look at their face first.
People tend to make things up in their heads sometimes when they're dancing. Men especially have the tendency to fantasize. So when you text us later wondering why we're not at your house watching a movie and having an orgy, we're probably laughing at you with puzzled expressions on our faces.
Specifying an event as a "dance" is helpful; it means that people might actually dance! Fancy that!
Sometimes the most fun you can have is just letting the crowd jostle you, staring at the ceiling with one hand flying free, forgetting whatever it was that happened today, yesterday, this week. That's the main reason I go to clubs. Not to hook up, not to see how many guys will dance with me, though those are fun too--but to really let loose in an environment that supports that kind of behavior.
I need to get out more.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Quote Of The Day
"At some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle."
-Rachel via "Texts From Last Night."
-Rachel via "Texts From Last Night."
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Karaoke Wednesdays.
"I was going to talk but then I coughed."
-Anthony
(Upon hearing someone sing "Piano Man" by Billy Joel.) "Oh my God, it's the Beatles! Yay!"
-Some drunk chick in a Catwoman costume.
"You taste like vagina."
-Justin (Upon kissing me.)
"People are bitches."
-Babs
-Anthony
(Upon hearing someone sing "Piano Man" by Billy Joel.) "Oh my God, it's the Beatles! Yay!"
-Some drunk chick in a Catwoman costume.
"You taste like vagina."
-Justin (Upon kissing me.)
"People are bitches."
-Babs
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Wine, One Woman, and Bad Movies
"Children are just abortions who eat."
-Justin
"I had a dream that I had to hide Jake Miskimin's erection."
-Justin
"You're the only woman here that's poppin'. You're like, 'Blam! I'm in red!'"
-Cesar (About me, of course.)
"I could have saved you in my les-mobile!"
-Me
"This is pretty. Who is this pretty?"
-Me (About some gay guy.)
"It's the snowing?"
-Kestin
"You have crazy eyes."
-Me. (To some crack head.)
-Justin
"I had a dream that I had to hide Jake Miskimin's erection."
-Justin
"You're the only woman here that's poppin'. You're like, 'Blam! I'm in red!'"
-Cesar (About me, of course.)
"I could have saved you in my les-mobile!"
-Me
"This is pretty. Who is this pretty?"
-Me (About some gay guy.)
"It's the snowing?"
-Kestin
"You have crazy eyes."
-Me. (To some crack head.)
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