Poised At The End Of The World. (Or Not So Poised.)

"That's what she said before she went to bed very satisfied and happy."
-Taylor

"Elise, if I don't find my shirt I'm wearing your pot holders home."
-Kristen (Said with pot holders dangling out of her bra.)

"You could always lie back. I could always rub other things."
-Kristina

"You burped me!"
-Taylor

"What are you talking about? I've had multiple shirts stolen from me. Skillets. Pots. If the zombies come, I'm fucked."
-Kristen

"You can wear the scarf. You just have to put both the ends back so both your titties are in full view."
-Marcus

"I'm being raped by boobies!"
-Dillion

"Why are all the shirts off?"
-Bryce

"Hers are more like 'bpeew!' and yours are more like 'WOOOAH.'"
-Dillion, comparing mine and Mackenzie's breasts.

"Please don't actually kiss my ass."
-Taylor

"Wait. Have you ever met a woman who's not a man?"
-Dillion

"Shake your butt this time or you lose."
-Kristen

"I'm getting a massage. I prefer onion rings."
-Kristen

"Where are my zombie-squishing boots?"
-Bryce

"Do you think they drink whisky in space?"
-J'myle (Said very incredulously.)

"Kristina has been saved by the lord Obama. Raise your pans. Good thing we're using brown paper bags, that's less racist."
-Bryce

"Obama will tell us. Let's pray to Obama. I'm channeling Obama through this pan."
-Bryce

"Is that what we're doing? Turning into zombies?"
-Mackenzie

"She just said, 'Who's Angela Lansbury?'"
"I just dropped my pot. I don't care about killing zombies anymore."
-Me, Bryce (about Mackenzie)

"If you're not hot by the time you're 26, you're probably not attractive."
-J'myle

"I will feed you to the zombies if you don't tell the story."
-Bryce

"Did I SAY I was a bear? I'm a Bryce!"
-Bryce

"Inside voice, neo-hippie."
-Kyle

"Tammy is the Kevin Bacon of the real world."
-Taylor

"I would totally have a camping funnel."
-Cami

"Preston's Chinese when he's high."
-Alexa

"I am fully gruntled, thank you."
-Michele

"Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car."

Disclaimer: Obviously, since some of these are my family, they weren't alcohol induced.

"You can't really ruin turkpot."
-Kristen Nelson

"All this talk about blow jobs is making me want a cigarette."
-Dillion Barker

"We have to watch it together. It's good. There's lots of water."
-My mom

"What is this, the emergency room? I wanted to go to the mall!"
-My sister Heidi

"Let my iPhone go." (Sung to the tune of "Let My People Go.")
-Andrea

"I am the witch Abagabba! This is my stick, and this is my band aid! Those zombie scuba divers don't stand a chance!"
-My mom

"That was fast! I'm gonna write your name on the bathroom wall, sir."
-Justin Bradley

"Am I reversing puberty?"
-Bryce Kamryn

"Everybody's glowing."
-Bryce Kamryn

"Everything's fuzzy but the people. Are you heaven people?"
-Bryce Kamryn

"I'm going to drown!"
-Bryce Kamryn

"How long until they almost rape you?"
-JayC Stoddard