Birthday Party

"That Jewish boy makes terrible drinks."
--Dillion Barker

"After I have brunch with the queen...which is what I call my morning poop."
--Justin Bradley

Catching Up...

"Fuck those guys growing corn! I wanna go to the moon!"
-Jim Hardwick

"Ow, I hit my zit."
-Bryce Kamryn

"Girls poop butterflies, I fart campfire."
-Jim Hardwick

"Mmm. Cheese boobs."
-Jim Hardwick

"Maybe my brains will squish out and you'll feel sorry you said no."
-Bryce Kamryn

"My fry senses were fuckin' tingling."
-Bryce Kamryn

"If you were a chicken, I'd eat you because you'd be the best-tasting chicken ever."
-Bryce Kamryn

"I could have had high tea on your breasts last night."
-Bryce Kamryn

"I think Donald Trump ejaculates cash."
-Bryce Kamryn

"Say the alphabet and leave out g, baby."
-Kristen Nelson

"This is really good vaginal energy we've got going here."
-Justin Bradley

"Eastgate at Grey Hawk." (Said in a stuffy British accent.)
-Justin Bradley

"Those Koreans! Those dang Koreans!"
-Mark Stoddard

"I'm holding your hand so you won't touch other parts of my body."
-Me

"This looks like the Eye of Sauron, which reminds me of that fat guy's penis."
-Bryce Kamryn

"I wasn't talking to myself, I was just verbally thinking to myself."
-Jim Hardwick

"You two gonna keep playing lesbians with the two-by-fours when there are darts around? Respect the darts!"
-Jim Hardwick

"I hope you two are sober enough to call 911, or at least the ambulance."
-Jim Hardwick

"It came out of nowhere. I was thinking about pictures and carrots."
-Jim Hardwick

"Tasty tasty rum soup."
-Jim Hardwick

"I didn't expect it to be television worthy. Jerk."
-Jim Hardwick

"Water is the elixir of the gods. Like, for real."
-Some Random Dude At a Party

"I'm 37 feet away from myself."
-Bryce Kamryn

"Make an espresso float!"
-Amanda Holliman

"He kept saying, 'Are you comfortable? I just want to make sure you're comfortable.' And so I ripped off my clothes and said, 'I'M COMFORTABLE!'"
-Bryce Kamryn

"Hank, Hank Jr., Hank Jr. Jr. Leslie."
-Taylor Lawrence

(On "Since You've Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson) "I'm going to turn that song into an anthem for my failing prostate.
-Jim Hardwick

"I'm going to take that study, and DRINK."
-Jim Hardwick