"Mornings when I catch sunrise due to not being able to sleep are like having a stranger offer me cake. I know I should be concerned, but all I think is 'CAAAAAAAAKE!'"
-Eric
"You liked my twat."
-Caleb (To Jake)
"My vagina speaks Klingon."
-Jake
"I'm just blowing on these gay guys."
-Jake
"Let's father a fake baby!"
-Jake
"Speaking of vaginas..."
-Me
"He's really good with his hands. He's a professional cellist. I came. Really hard. Like a baby gorilla."
-Me
"Three shakes equals a whack."
-Carl
"Fuck me in the asshole!"
"Here." (Hands over a big black magic marker.)
-Carleton, Sauna
"You need a codpiece."
"I have white duct tape!"
-Me to Jake
"Poop on paper."
-Andrea
"Because you don't have a Cobra Command Symbol, that's why!"
-Jen
"Heeeeeee would be a very understanding dad."
-Emily
"'The Girl Who Humped Her Friend To Death: The Alisa Rodgers Story.'"
"It was THE HEIMLICH MANEUVER!"
-Amdrea, Alisa
"Everything itches! It's an itchy back circus!"
-Me
