"Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car."

Disclaimer: Obviously, since some of these are my family, they weren't alcohol induced.

"You can't really ruin turkpot."
-Kristen Nelson

"All this talk about blow jobs is making me want a cigarette."
-Dillion Barker

"We have to watch it together. It's good. There's lots of water."
-My mom

"What is this, the emergency room? I wanted to go to the mall!"
-My sister Heidi

"Let my iPhone go." (Sung to the tune of "Let My People Go.")
-Andrea

"I am the witch Abagabba! This is my stick, and this is my band aid! Those zombie scuba divers don't stand a chance!"
-My mom

"That was fast! I'm gonna write your name on the bathroom wall, sir."
-Justin Bradley

"Am I reversing puberty?"
-Bryce Kamryn

"Everybody's glowing."
-Bryce Kamryn

"Everything's fuzzy but the people. Are you heaven people?"
-Bryce Kamryn

"I'm going to drown!"
-Bryce Kamryn

"How long until they almost rape you?"
-JayC Stoddard