Observations About Dancing In Clubs

If a cute Black man FROM NIGERIA asks for your number, give it. More important, if he wants to kiss you LET HIM.

When your girlfriend is drunk and starts dancing with some really homely folk, you have two choices: rescue her, or point and laugh. Guess which one I usually go for.

The reason you go in odd numbers is so if two of you are dancing and one isn't, the one who isn't can act as a safety net if Handsy McGroperson is getting a little too creepy.

Just because I made out with your friend does not mean I am making out WITH YOU.

Guys: this is important for both dancing and sex. If the girl is moving her knees and hips, you don't. If she is leaning forward, dropping it like it's hot, you don't do it too. This kind of behavior just makes everyone tired.

Note: In general, it's the girl's job to do most of the movement, and the guy's to be the support. This, however, does not necessarily apply to sex.

If a Black woman compliments you on your dancing, that is probably the highest praise you have ever or will ever receive.

Sometimes, us girls are just there to dance. So dance.

One dance is usually enough. We know what's going on in your pants is bothersome and you would like for us to keep rubbin' our asses all up in that, but after about two dances, no matter how cute you are, we are getting tired and you are getting clingy.

Gym shorts lead to embarrassing situations. Avoid if possible.

Guys and Girls: Learn some Latin dance steps. It will help you in your overall routine. Also, if you only have one move, even if it's a good one, don't just keep doing it over and over. You become pitiable after two hours.

Sometimes kissing a complete and total stranger can be a fun distraction. Just make sure you look at their face first.

People tend to make things up in their heads sometimes when they're dancing. Men especially have the tendency to fantasize. So when you text us later wondering why we're not at your house watching a movie and having an orgy, we're probably laughing at you with puzzled expressions on our faces.

Specifying an event as a "dance" is helpful; it means that people might actually dance! Fancy that!

Sometimes the most fun you can have is just letting the crowd jostle you, staring at the ceiling with one hand flying free, forgetting whatever it was that happened today, yesterday, this week. That's the main reason I go to clubs. Not to hook up, not to see how many guys will dance with me, though those are fun too--but to really let loose in an environment that supports that kind of behavior.

I need to get out more.