She Came In Through The Bathroom Window

"Tea bag me, your highness!"
-Samantha W.

"You can't walk away from me, I'm jacking you off!"
-Samantha W.

"I'm gonna punch you in the face with my vagina."
-Samantha W.

"Tongue-slap my bung hole."
-Anthony

"That's the second-cutest thing I've ever seen you do."
"What was the first?"
"When you accidentally showed me your gooch."
"Your life is great..."
-Anthony and Samantha W.

"Anthony's life is an interpretive dance poem."
-Samantha W.

"I just burped French."
-Samantha W.

"My house is the opposite of rehab. We should just call it hab."
-Jim

"It's a hard knock life for Jim. All the world is against him! He ain't got no soda pop so he's got to drink some gin. It's a hard knock life."
-Me

"Don't hide your cock under a bushel."
"Or do."
-Jim, Me

"I just want to see someone cry because their nose is being picked."

"Tequiero means I love you, right?"
"It sounds like tacos, so I say yes!"
-Me, Greg

"Beauty is in the eye of the boob-holder."

"There are nerds in my crotch."
-Me

"Touch my hand while we're talking about family."

"I had a Long Island. It is gone now."
"Is it the long-lost island?"

"I just googled 'skin ugly people.' Oops."
-Kristen

"Can you imagine the sex? ...I think I just burped hot dog."

"Because who can sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman in white gloves?"