I Cook With Wine; Sometimes I Even Add It To The Food

"You're funny. My shoulder was involved with your forehead. They were intimate."
-Samantha

"Does Amazon hate Apple? I think that's what's going on here."
-Jim

"Enjoy your Chinese food, because I have not had a boner in a while."
-Jesse

"Why is it that the movies credit every little person that helps with the film, but when people get a double bypass, my name isn't included on the x-ray?"
-Jim

"Why can't I be 'Lieutenant Commander Software Engineer Jim?'"
-Jim

"Ohhhhh! 'Ovulation' is the opposite of 'menstruation' because 'men' don't understand the 'obv'ious. I get it now!"
-Jim

"It's not that I don't like penises, it's just that I only love my own."
-Jim

"Jews don't have webbed toes. Just big noses."
-Jim

"Stop that thinking!"
"Then what would separate me from the apes?"
"There's no need to call me names."
-Jim, Me

"Don't you DARE talk back to me about draperies!"
-Justin

"If I'm going to go down there, your taint had better not stink."
-Taylor

"Don't give me sexy thoughts in the kitchen."
-Sean

"How does snuggle happen?"
-Dain

"Goodbye, Mr. Cheese."
-Samantha to Dain

"Cherry-Almond, Almond-Cherry. Order matters not."
-Jim