Trying is the first step toward sucking.

"Let's watch a sad movie and pretend we're crying about the movie."
-Bryce

"I don't have to do anything. I am an Arab woman, the freest person in the world."
-Bryce

"You are like a straight man tonight!"
-Bryce to Greg

"I don't like boys, I like Netflix."
-Bryce

"I love your penis and I'm baking you lasagna."
-Greg's advice on what to say to a guy you're in love with to make him like you.

"I've never had a tea party that didn't turn into an orgy."
-Kyle

"God. That giant spider creature that took credit for making everything."
-Jim

"I am the savior of this pancake."
-Bryce

"You're significantly less adorable than a gerbil."
-Kristen

"Is it possible to have sex with a voice?"
-Kristen

"When you're done proposing, here's your beer ticket."
-Ducky

"Can you say Gimlet without smiling? Because I can't."
-Bryce

"If I could have sex with a sound, it would be this one."
-Bryce

"I must have Freud's approval for all my children's names."
-Bryce

"I like my pancakes like I like my penises and that's NOT four inches."
-Bryce

"Isn't leg strength fascinating?"
-Cami

"I don't have my eyeliner on! No toasts!"
-Bryce

"Death to all women! (Pause) I have decided that my New Year's resolution is to be a misogynist from now on."
-Bryce

"Back when maids used to be Irish instead of Mexican."
-Me

"Excuse me I have to go masturbate about something that's not this."
-Justin