Happy Birthday, 'Merica.

"Pink could step on Meryl Streep's head and you'd still say she gets away with it."
-Dillion Barker to Bryce Kamryn

"Take off your pants for AMERica!"
-John

"It's called a potluck, not an, 'it's-not-open-so-I-can-take-it-home-luck!'"
-Rachel Vought

"Leggo my preggo."
-Rachel Vought

"They're blowing up the moon!"
-Some guy (about the fireworks.)

"Exploding sperm! It's here to impregnate the world! Cover your vaginas!"
-John

"It's a gay-rage. What do you call yours, a car-hole?"
-Jared Greathouse.

"I was explaining to the cat for a while because I got caught up in cat words."
-Sam McGinnis.

"You wanna suck the same marshmallow twice. It's a s'more. You burn it twice, it's a...s'more."
-Sam McGinnis

"Blame the whiskey--it doesn't get its feelings hurt."
-Jim Hardwick

"Do you wanna watch Beavis and Butthead?"
"Do you wanna watch Gilmore Girls?"
(Long pause.) "Well played."
-Jim Hardwick and I.

"Oh my god, I thought of the perfect Christmas present for you. I'm going to get you a bunch of tampons and paint them like penises."
-Jim Hardwick

"I don't know whether to laugh or cry."
"Why would you cry?"
"Because I had to yawn at the same time that I tried to laugh."
-Jim Hardwick and I.

"The afterlife is a luau with your friends."
-Jake Miskimins

"Andrea! When people are taking a drink, you save your quips for after!"
-Bryce Kamryn

"Do you even know when a ninja is having sex with you?"
-Andrea Hanson

"I accidentally just got really close to you, I apologize."
-Andrea Hanson

"I just heard the words 'Johnny' and 'stupid.'"
-Johnny Call

"Why are you suddenly sideways?"
-Amanda Holliman

"Common sense should be a super power."
-Andrea Hanson

"Oh my god, I licked you for a while."
-Amanda Holliman

"You're not ticklish?"
"I've been touched too much."
-Me.

"Teletubbies is a cluster-fuck."
-I cannot remember.

"They could remake Baywatch with you."
-Andrea Hanson

"Is hookah legal?"
-Kijana

"When am I condescending?"
-Dillion Barker

"It's super weird that his keys are missing. ... I just want him to go get chicken nuggets."
-Me.